白紙上劃過的碳素墨水痕跡

尊敬的林爸爸、林媽媽、尊敬的李穗湘老師、Hoffmann院長、各位好友、各位同事：

今天我們在這里，跟我們的好哥們學瀚最後一次說再見。學瀚，你就這樣安靜地走了。或許是天意弄人，當我第一次遇到你的時候，我領著你去圖書館借書；當我最后一次跟你在一起，我又是同你一起去的圖書館。從聽到你不幸離世的噩耗到現在，兩個多星期過去，我仍然很難相信你真的走了。還有那么多的事情想跟你分享、想跟你計劃；可是當我坐在辦公室座位上轉身的時候，手卻再也搭不到你的肩膀，只能默默的在心里跟你說，我下輩子還要跟你做哥們兒。

從我第一天遇到你的時候，我就知道你是條漢子。你有北京人那種獨到的幽默，似乎什么煩惱都能被你輕松化解；你有那許許多多各種各樣的愛好，怎么樣都不會把自個兒和周圍的人悶著；你懂那么多零零種種的知識，哪怕有用的沒用的。聽你說話永遠那么舒服，就像喝了一杯醇厚的酒，讓人迷醉。可我還想再來一杯的時候，哥們兒你走了，要我們上哪兒找你？

剩下的就只有那永遠揮之不去的記憶，尤其是那些對我來說總是突發奇想的事情――

你和我都愛好歷史，突發奇想的拉著我去聽大學的歷史課……不知道哪一天又開始鉆研起明史、再到后來變成五代史。還記得我們在咖啡店里沒邊沒際的聊天嗎？有一半是你在給我上歷史課。你突發奇想的在晚上要給自己化裝出門，還把照片貼在博客上，結果自己反被路上的陌生人嚇著了。后來你覺得澳洲太悶，開始在家里的陽臺上種花種菜，聽著你說怎樣摘著新鮮生菜做三明治。接著有一天你開始喜歡養魚了，跟我說著魚的顏色、花紋，說魚缸、氧氣泵、說這里的魚店，說這里的魚價和北京比實在太貴。但是不管做什么，你總是那么執著。你可以把同一本x光衍射的書翻來覆去的讀，為了測一個樣品通宵達旦、為了一個不懂的問題反復的問，甚至去看那些一般人都不會去看的學術雜志。你的MSN上永遠有MRD的字樣，你是我們中間的專家，有一天我們不懂要問你了，你要我們上哪找你？

太多太多的事，我們只能永遠留在心里；太多太多沒說完的話，我希望你還能聽見。

我知道對于我們在座的很多人來說，學瀚的不幸離世在很長的一段時間，甚至一輩子當中都是一件痛苦的事情――失去了一個好兒子、一個好學生、一個好兄弟、或許再某些方面來說，也失去了一位好師長。但是今天，我希望他在通往天國的路上不要看到我們傷心。學瀚永遠都是一個樂觀、幽默的人，有他在的地方總有快樂，有他在的地方不應該有煩惱。和他在一起聊天總是那樣的高興、總能聽到他獨特的見解，總能暫時忘卻自己一時的煩惱。今天他終于解脫了俗世一切的繁復、走向了天國，我們在這里為他祝福，也希望他在另一邊一直保佑我們，保佑他的親朋、摯愛和好友。學瀚，你一路走好。

Dear all,

We are gathering here today to say goodbye and pay our last tribute to our best friend Xavier. Perhaps it is the faith of all our lives. Xavier, you just went peacefully like this, leaving all of us behind. I can still recall the first time I met you when I showed you to the library some one and half years ago, yet it was also the very last time for me to meet you when I went to the library with you again on that Thursday. From the time when I first heard the tragedy till now, more than two weeks have gone passed; I still cannot believe that you are really away from us, away from us forever. There are so many things that I still want to share with you, to plan with you; yet when I turn around from my seat in the office, I cannot ever ever touch your shoulder again, but only say silently in my heart that I want to be your mate again next life.

From the first time I met you, I knew you are really the guy. You have that particular type of humour, that nothing in the world is ever a trouble for you. You have so many different hobbies, that you'll never make yourself and people around feel bored. You know so many different stuff, whether it is useful or not. To chat with you is like drinking a glass of splendid wine, yet when I want one more glass, you're forever gone. My dear brother, where I can ever find you again?

For all it left, will be those memories that we will never forget; especially those things that we did together, somehow out of a sudden:

We all love history, then suddenly you dragged me into a history lecture, just want to know how aussies teach Chinese history. Some day out of a sudden again, you began interested in the history of Ming dynasty, then the Five dynasty. Will you forever remember our chat in the coffee shop? I will. I will remember those chats that somehow resemble another history lecture. I still remember, someday out of a sudden, you feel like doing a make up on yourself and going out at night to scare people, in the end you got scared by those drunk people on the road. Later you said you feel very boring in Australia, you started growing lettuce at home and told me how lovely it is to have fresh lettuce for your sandwich. Then another day you fell in love with gold fish, you bought a fish tank at home. It was so enjoy listening to you saying how to buy fishes, what fish tank to choose, what kind of water to use, and those oxygen pumps. You said the fish here is far more expensive than those in Beijing, yet no matter what you did, you'll always stick to it. You can read an xray diffraction book again and again; you can stay in the lab over night just to measure one sample; you can ask the questions many many times just to find out the true answer; you will read those journals that we'll never touch. You always put MRD on your MSN nickname. You are the Xray expert among us. Yet one day when we need your help, where can we ever find you again?

There are so many things happened among us, but we can only left them in our heart; there are so many words that I still want to say to you, I hope you can still hear it.

I know that for many of us, the sudden pass of Xavier will be a sad memory for a long while, even for the whole life. We lost a good son, a good student, a good friend, and in some circumstances, even a good teacher. But today, I hope he can see us all happy on his way to heaven. Xavier is always a person with positive views and humour, wherever he is, there will always be happiness. Chatting with him is always so happy, can always learn so many ideas, can always forget our miseries. Today, he is free from all the complexities of the living world, walking towards the heaven. Let us all pray from him, and hope that he will bless us all, bless his beloved family and friends. Xavier, our thoughts will always be with you.